**possible sexual assault trigger**
I had bunches of thoughts in class today but I wanted to reflect on them more before discussing them. So I’ll leave them here.
I get really upset whenever I hear the term “asking for it”. It makes me feel a wide range of feelings. These feelings include confusion, sadness, paranoia, shock, grief, and above all anger, a gigantic amount of anger. I hate living in a society where “she was asking for it” is a legitimate excuse. I hate the guys in this world (and there sure are a lot of them) who believe it is their right to do what they want with the bodies of women around them. I just don’t understand how you can consider yourself a decent human being and hold that mindset. However, the real tragedy is the fact that some girls also buy into this mindset.
This topic hits kind of close to home for me. My old girlfriend (I say old instead of ex because we’re taking this time to try and figure out how to make the distance thing work and we’re still incredibly close. Ex just doesn’t sound right, but that’s a whole other story) had dealt with a situation before we were together where she was, in her own words, “almost raped”. This never bothered me or put a strain on our relationship, I just knew there are some asshole guys out there and she was in the wrong place at the wrong time and had a bit too much to drink. What really hurt me was the fact that she blamed herself for getting into the situation. I think a lot of girls have been in similar situations and they don’t speak out or do anything against it because they’re the ones who feel like they did something wrong. I’m once again left incredibly upset and angry.
I’m especially passionate about this subject right now because the girl I care about more than anything is in a world (much like I am) where rape culture is more prevalent than anywhere else. I’d go so far as to say it has become socially acceptable. If it’s not socially acceptable than why is it happening now more than ever? I’m sick of waking up every Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday morning and hearing guys talk about who they “nailed” the night before and simultaneously complaining how much alcohol it took to get their mission accomplished. There have already been sexual misconduct cases among my classmates and it’s the same conversation every single time, “Oh yeah well she’s a slut, she was asking for it.”
I still can’t fully process my thoughts on this topic, but this helped. The last thing I want to address is a pretty pathetic mindset many men hold. It seems to me a good number of guys dehumanize most women to an extraordinarily level. Women are only real to them if they’re their mother, sister, or girlfriend (and unfortunately the girlfriend is sometimes just a body too). In my Catholic grade school we had a terribly awkward anti-pornography talk towards the end of seventh grade. The example given to us was “what if that was your mom or your sister, then would you like the porn industry?” This worked to an extent, but it’s a shame that was the only way to break through to a good number of the guys. To be honest, I’m angry with my gender. I don’t like our reputation and I don’t like the way we treat our supposed partners on this planet (and by partners I mean we’re all equal humans here trying to live our lives, not making a comment on any one’s sexual orientation).
I guess to close I want to highlight my belief that some women are so used to this culture that they let themselves be dehumanized. Something my “old” girlfriend said that really struck me was that she’ll always be thankful to me for letting her know how she deserved to be treated. I think that broke my heart more than anything.
So that’s my rant for the night.